45 days later and we still have not passed court

We start every week with the hope that this will be the week. The weekend ends, its Monday...maybe this will be the week. Then the good news comes "as soon as _________ happens we will be all set". Then 12 or maybe 24 or sometimes 48 hours later...."sorry something else has come up....it should be cleared up next week".

Or sometimes Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday of wearing down my battery checking my email, or jumping every time the phone rings hoping they will finally call with good news. Then Friday ends and I know I won't hear anything all weekend. Then it is Sunday evening, getting ready to start a new week. Hoping yet trying to not hope. Believing this is finally the day/week/month she will finally be ours, then having it not happen. Crying out "Why again? How many more weeks of this can I take?" Then waking up and starting another day, another week, soon to be another month.

We thought we would have her home by Christmas or soon after. It is December 26th and we have never been more unsure. Unsure whether or not the little girl we have held in our arms will be able to come home to us. It can't be possible can it? There are fears and doubts in my mind that I wish I could highlight with my mouse and erase from my brain as easily as I can erase them from this blog.

Put on a happy face. "Think of the children who are home with you" "Enjoy the time you have to rest and recharge" Trust, believe, pray.....cry...pray....disbelieve....fight....pray....make breakfast, go about your day, clean the house, play with the kids, fight temptation, fight self indulgence, fight despair, sometimes win the fight, sometimes lose. Call Kevala, cry some more. Read scriptures, try again. Collapse into the arms of the only person who knows how you feel...lay on the floor with him and listen to music. Go to bed, dream, pray, hope, take a deep breath and plunge into another week.