AFRICA!!

We are back from our first trip to Africa. It was amazing. It was upsetting. It was a refill of joy. It was shocking. It was a non-stop marathon of pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone. It was inspiring to spend time with so many amazing people who I learned so much from about boldly living a joyful life! I could write a whole blog specifically about our trip, but for the purpose of this blog I will focus on one thing; how I wrestled with adoption while I was there.

Before we left I had a feeling that there was a purpose in our going to Kenya before we started the adoption process. When I got home my friend Kevala asked me, "So did you get any answers about why you felt you needed to go on this trip before you started the adoption?". At the time I could only think of one response - that the only answer I could understand was that we went so that I could be prepared for the world we were adopting from before we land in-country to bring our child home. So that when we someday land in Ethiopia to meet our child I won't be doing the wrestling then that I had to do on this trip.

The poverty and environment that the children in Kayole (outside Nairobi) are living in is beyond comprehension for an American. Even in the most poverty stricken places in the US it is nothing like Nairobi. Maybe the US government does not provide for everyone in the way they ought to, but our basic needs are still met. In the US we have access to clean drinking water even if it is from a public water fountain. We have trash removal. We have sewage systems. We have soup kitchens and food banks. We have welfare, housing assistance, medicaid. Relative to what others have in this country this still isn't enough, but the impact of these "givens" in the US is only truly comprehended once I found myself in a country that does not provide these needs for their population (the majority of whom are living in poverty). We saw babies crawling in garbage piles and sucking pieces of trash. We saw children playing with rubber tubes and discarded rusty wire. We saw children fighting for their own little piece of styrofoam to play with. 5 nights we went to open air crusades that Candlelight Church was putting on in the outskirts of Kayole and every night there were about 50 children from ages 6 months - 10 years swarming around us, so excited to shake or hold hands or just get a smile from the "mizungoos". Most of them had no parents in sight. There was no one there to make sure the little ones weren't playing in broken glass. There was no way of knowing whether the children were orphaned street children or children who had a home because there were no adults tending to them. Most of the children looked like they were ill, and none of them were clean. Some had no shoes, and the shoes that were had were tattered or ill-fitting. I was totally overwhelmed.

I really wrestled. I asked myself, "Am I the right person to adopt when I have so many feelings of guilt and shame for how shocked and overwhelmed I feel?". I wish I could say that my eyes saw no difference between my children at home and the children in the streets of Kayole. But I did and I didn't know if I would be able to recover.

However, I think if I had not been shocked it would only mean that I have no heart for injustice. I guess it is a sign that I know it isn't fair for there to be so much opportunity and provision for children in our country and so little in Nairobi. Because really what is the difference between the children at the crusades and my own children? The difference is my two boys are in a loving family that has the resources (time, money, food, shelter, access to medical care and clean water) to care for them.

But this brings me to my second place of internal battle: "Are we doing the right thing by spending thousands of dollars to adopt one child when we could use that money to donate to or even build and staff a new orphanage that would provide for many children?". In the end; Mike and I truly believe that what is important in life is relationships. There will never be enough orphanages for all the children who need it. But if we are able to make an improvement in the life of one child, if we are able to provide love to one unloved child that is just as important as providing shelter to 10 children. While we were in Kenya we met many people and over 300 children. Not a single one of them asked me for money. The adults just wanted to know and be known. And the children just wanted to be near us and hold our hands. We could have sent over our travel expenses in a check and provided food for the school children for a few years. But the relationships we built while we were there impacted lives beyond those basic needs and I wouldn't trade it for a check any day.

So in the end...I'm not sure what answers I was meant to get while there but I do know that despite all of the wrestling Mike and I still came out on top - we want to open our family to a child who is in need of a family. And we want to find our child in Africa.

We submitted our official application today!