Reflections on our Adoption - 3 Months home

Much of this I have written about previously, but I was asked to "share about our adoption journey" and this is where I was lead

About 4 years ago I heard a guest pastor speak at our church about the ministry he runs in the slums on the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya. He spoke of the children he and his wife provide for and the hardships of childhood in this area; a five year old walking miles to school with their little brother in order to go to the only free school in the area; children who leave abusive homes to go to school where they will receive the only food they will get all day: a meager meal of tea with milk and rice, corn or occasionally a single egg (on a special occasion), children suffering unimaginable loss when parents would pass from disease and they would be responsible to care for their siblings.

Immediately after hearing Pastor Fred speak, I had to head out on a drive and I found myself in my car with tears running down my face, physically hurting because of the pain I felt for these children, and I believe it is because the Lord was truly calling me to not just have sympathy for the orphans of Africa, but to do something about it.

Two years later I realized that I was called to adopt. I have always felt I may adopt at some time in my life and after investigating domestic and international adoption programs with my husband, Mike, we landed right where I knew we would - adopting a child from Africa, in our case - Ethiopia. Before we started the paperwork with our agency we went on a mission trip to visit Pastor Fred in Nairobi and experienced first-hand the living conditions of the children in dire need in Africa. We were shocked and heart broken by the reality, not just the basic needs of shelter, food and clean water, but also their desire to be noticed and loved. It is really overwhelming to find yourself in a crowd of street children wanting love and attention, from any adult, even a white stranger. Four nights we spent in the marketplace; dancing, singing and sharing our testimonies with the people from the slums and each night we were literally surrounded by street children. It was a very difficult experience but I believe the Lord used this intense experience to ingrain in my heart the urgent need to do something. I am still haunted by the eyes of the children we left there.

When we returned from Kenya we were ready to begin our journey to our daughter. In November 2009 we signed on with International Adoption Net, located in Denver. By February 2010 we were on the wait list for a toddler girl. The months that followed were the hardest of my life. We experienced a virtual halt in movement on the wait list as our agency went through some growing pains, we suffered through Ethiopian government changes and adoption policy changes. Then in July 2010 our agency informed us that they had begun working in a new region of Ethiopia - Gambella. Located in western Ethiopia on the border of Sudan, Gambella is a farming community with a high infant mortality rate and a low rate of education or technology. Most of the population survives on sustenance farming, lives in grass and mud huts, and many are on the brink of starvation. This would be the remote region of the world that our daughter would come from. A few weeks after learning that they were working in this region we got the call that would change our lives forever: they had a two year old little girl that they felt would be a good match for our family. Two days later we said yes, we would like to adopt Shibire, a tiny, bald, skinny and sad 2 year old weighing only 16 lbs.

This was August. Ten weeks later we were on a plane to Ethiopia, with David (our 7 year old) in tow to meet her. We would set eyes on her for the first time exactly one year to the day from when we first went to Kenya, November 11, 2010. We met her, we fell in love with her, we went to court and legally agreed to be her family. We met her birth father and heard the story of her past and ensured him that we would lovingly care for her future. It was emotional, exciting, scary and draining. We boarded a plane home 4 days later and thought we would be back in 6-8 weeks. We were told everything would be cleared up quickly. Well nothing in international adoption ever happens as you think it may. Our agency would be one of the first to place children from Gambella (and Shibire would be one of the very first children that would be relinquished into the care of our agency) which subsequently led to many problems with the paperwork that was required to finalize our adoption in Ethiopia and it took 5 months to straighten it out. Five heart wrenching months. I had no idea how much harder it would be to have bumps in our adoption road after we met her. Every night I cried, begged, or screamed for God to intervene and fix our adoption so we could go bring her home. It was the most intense and intimate prayer time I have ever had with the Lord. And of course the most difficult. Constantly wrestling with why He would allow this time to pass while our daughter had to continue to live in an orphanage when He states in His word a call for us to care for orphans.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27

It was difficult on me as a mother to my other two children. I was grieving every lost day with my baby. The grief of the process took a tole on my marriage, we were both so worn out emotionally it was hard to connect. It took a tole on my job, I had to go on leave early because I just could do nothing but think and pray about how and when we would ever get her home. I was prepared to do anything for her, even move to Ethiopia, leave my husband and two boys for an unknown amount of time. I was packed and prepared to leave, I had a residence lined up and a plane ticket on hold when we finally got the call that we were cleared by the US Embassy to go to Ethiopia and bring her home.

Looking back now I have learned that the level of intimacy I had in prayer with the Lord during this time was two things 1) the type of intimacy that can only come from literally putting everything in your life on the line to follow your calling 2) an amazing and utterly exhausting time to surrender to Him in such a way.
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Three months home with my daughter I think I am still trying to understand where I have been and where I am going in my relationship with the Lord. My faith was tested in unbelievable ways during the 18 months it took to bring her home and the 3 months since we have been home. But now that I can understand my journey with God through this adoption process backwards I can understand that God's plan was truly better than my plan, and if God is truly all-knowing he will not be shaken by my pleading. I have from the start been willing to walk by faith...but trusting the road that God has for me is certainly a thorn in my side.

That all said...because certainly this was a faith walk...as far as being a mom to a daughter it has been nothing but a beautiful blessing. Sure we are having hard days, temper tantrums are a dime a dozen round these parts, but her beautiful kiss, her love for hair accessories (or Konjos as they are known around our house) dresses, sandals, painted toenails, baby dolls, not being the only girl, dreams for our future together, kisses from her amazing lips, the smell of coconut, orange and eucalyptus hair oil, soft chubby beautiful, cheeks...my God have I ever been so blessed! Girly giggles, tickle time, mommy, mommy, mommy...I just soak in it like a beautiful bubble bath for my soul.....And the most amazing miracle...I truly, wholly, love her like she came from my own womb. I was hopeful for this feeling but unsure. But when I reach over and feel her beautiful presence in our bed or when she jumps in my arms or purposely snuggles up to my breast I feel everything I would for a baby of my own DNA. As my friend told me long ago...."birth children grow in your womb, adopted children grow in your heart...but both are your God given gift of Child"....and in my case...DAUGHTER.

What a miracle, a suburban American mom, and a rural, tribal African daughter, brought together to make a bitter life sweet. Only God could dream so big.

Exodus 15:22-25
²² Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. ²³ When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.^[e]) ²⁴ So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?”

²⁵ Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became sweet.