Okay, I'm back. Back to checking IAN's blog too many times per day to see if there has been any movement. I take it as a good sign that I am hopeful again. I've been through a season recently of doubting this will ever happen. Resigning myself to the joys of my two boys....releasing hopes for my baby girl. I stopped checking the blog obsessively. I would look at the end of the day, but I didn't really expect any movement. But about a week ago I decided its time to start trusting again. Trusting is so hard.
Trust requires Faith in God
Faith requires Dependence on God
Dependence on God requires Risk of disappointment
Risk exposes Fear
Fear is crippling, fear erodes Hope
This is the model I have been operating on for the last couple months of slugglish waitlist movement. But just a couple weeks ago I decided I don't want to live at the end of that model. I do have a choice in what model to adopt (no pun intended) and here is my new model:
Trust requires Faith in God
Faith requires Dependence on God
Dependence on God requires acknowledging that God is Good
Knowledge that God is Good builds Hope
Hope allows Joy
So we called our best friends and we painted our little angel's room pink :) in trust and faith that we will someday have our baby girl. And I am hopeful that we will continue to move closer to our daughter, week by week...and I am checking the blog too much.
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Yay, so glad you are feeling hopeful! I too have felt more positive the last couple of weeks...letting go of the individual steps on the road and focusing on the goal - but it is HARD! Can't wait to see you all, and maybe get a peek at that pink room??? I need some good decorating ideas :-)
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have renewed your joy! And you are amongst good company. I have been on the Wait List for 9 months and 1 day. They tell me that they will call me when I hit number one. However, that does not stop me from checking several times a day Monday to Friday!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a great obsession!
~Heather D
#2 baby girl for 108 days now?? I think that is right...since March 1st anyway!!!!
Come on WL!