When I signed up to be a business student at University of Colorado in 1998, I looked at my required courses to graduate and there was one glaring dreaded class. BCOR 2200 - Introductory Finance. Being not of sound math mind I knew this class was going to kill me. Given that I thrive in creative, visual classes (such as art history) I knew this class would be hard. And yes it was. I dreaded it every day. I nodded off out of pure boredom in the lectures that I attended (and yes I ditched the other ones). I am lucky that I graduated that class with a C.
So what in the world does this have to do with adoption you might be asking? Well the truth of the matter is I think I would possibly trade sitting through 10 hours of BCOR 2200 to avoid sitting through the first 10 hours of adoption training that we need to take as a state requirement, starting on February 13th. No it is not because the topics are boring, and no it is not because I don't think I need the classes. The reason I am dreading going to these classes is because they are focused on educating the parents on all of the possible side effects from adoption that your family may experience. Here is a list of the topics covered:
Attachment and Bonding, Discipline and boundary, Parenting techniques, Grief and loss issues in adoption, Key concepts of child growth & development,Parenting the emotional, physically or sexually abused child, Effects of institutionalization and other emotional problems related to traumatized children, Problems related to children who have had multiple care givers, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Prenatal Drug Exposure, Malnutrition, Relevant environmental toxins, Emotional, medical, genetic, developmental risk factors associated with children from country of origin, Behavioral & mental disorders, Parenting a special needs child, Effects of stress in early life sensory integration disorder
Yes - and that is just the first two classes. Most of this information I have already read about, and Mike and I considered all of these factors when we decided to take the plunge and adopt. I really don't want to have to dig up all of the fear and anxiety again. Primarily, it is crazy to learn about every single problem you may have with a child in 10 hours. Secondly - there is no actual child attached to any of this information yet. If I sat myself down 6 years ago and listed only the challenges we have already conquered in 6 years I'm not sure my past self would have felt very good about signing up to parent my two boys (and we haven't even had any "out of the ordinary" problems with our kids). And here I am 6 years into parenting two boys, with the typical challenges of parenthood (including second round through the terrible threes) and I wouldn't take it back for a minute because they are amazing people who I love with all of my heart!
Without having a child attached to the list of parenting challenges above it is so overwhelming. The chance of adopting a child with all of those issues is unlikely, the chance of adopting a child with some of those issues is quite probable. So how do I prepare mentally and emotionally for this new parenting challenge? This is where I get bogged down in fear and anxiety. This is why I am dreading these classes. How can I prepare? How will I handle it? Am I a good enough parent? Do I have the patience required? How will I integrate a 5th member into our home? How will I be able to break through this child's past and teach her about love? It is a lot of fear and pressure to place solely on myself and Mike.
Lucky for me I have an amazing support system of loving family and friends. And I have my faith to depend on - no matter what. My goal for this next challenge on our journey is to focus on how amazing it is that I have God in my life. That He loves me, He is here for me, I am not alone and He is all powerful....I really am fortunate.
"I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you
I said, 'you are my servant';
I have chosen you and I have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" Isaiah 41:9,10
"For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Oh, and my reward for getting through these first two classes: go to Target immediately after each class and buy something soft, girly and PINK for my little angel (thanks to my dear friends for the suggestion)
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